Hindsight and good friends can be amazing teachers.
I need to make an apology here, and hope that I do it justice. I received an e-mail from a woman the other day that struck a very tender nerve in me. She was questioning my adoption story … and to my mind was seriously overstepping her bounds. Her questioning suggested that Halis and I are not Isaac’s “real” family … among other things. When I “googled” her name, I found that she writes some very anti-adoption blog posts and poetry. So, I lashed out at her – in what I thought was a well-reasoned and fairly respectful response. However, good friends … and my own aversion to conflict … has me rethinking the delivery of my response.
I posted my response, and her name, on this blog. Not for long … as I thought better of it very quickly … but for long enough. It was a classless move that stemmed from a “Mother-Bear” reaction. I will not make excuses for it, but I will share what was my intent.
As many blog readers know, I have recently put some very sensitive information regarding our son’s adoption out into the Universe in the hopes of finding his Haitian biofamily in the aftermath of their terrible earthquake. It was a gut-wrenching decision for me, because I believe that adoption stories should only be shared by the children involved – at their own will & in their own time. I made the decision to share some of his story – here on this blog & by speaking to a Bangor Daily News reporter in hopes that it would help us to find his biofamily. And it all did bear fruit … as through sharing our story, we have found two leads in Petit-Goave who believe they know our family and believe them to be alright. (This is VERY exciting news to be sure and would not have happened were it not for this blog & for the newspaper article). So, I do not regret my decision to do so. But I honestly did not expect the backlash of negative and ignorant comments and questions I would receive by making our story public (however, please note that the positive help and comments have far outweighed the negative). Most people completely understood the sensitivity of our story … but some seemingly did not. My response to the aforementioned woman was a gut reaction to protecting our family from further questioning … that is why I made it public.
I apologize for posting my response here. I apologize for sharing her name. And I apologize for turning anyone off with my anger. To know me is to know that I am not at all quick to anger. But in this incredibly sensitive time for our family, I spoke out in anger before I thought deeply on how to respond to the questioner. When I first clicked the “Publish Post” button, I truly thought I was acting reasonably. I now know I was acting in anger & fear. And anything done in fear and anger is not good. Period.
It appears that several people do have some questions about our story now that it has been made public … as there are many parts of it that they don’t understand … yet would like to. So, in a future post, I will take the time to address those questions that are respectful and within the boundaries that I have set for our family.
Many of you sent me e-mails in encouragement of my response to that woman. And I don’t negate your feelings on the subject at all. The content and intention of the e-mail is not what I am apologizing for. I think it is very important to protect adoption, share info on it, and enlighten some folks regarding their false ideas of adoption, etc. But I could have done it better. And I cetainly should not have called her out publicly. I would be mortified if the roles were reversed.
I ask anyone who read that post to please forgive me for it. I also seek forgiveness from the woman involved. Perhaps a better dialogue on the subject would help her to understand the beauty of adoption. I would be open for such a dialogue.
Also – once our Haitian family is found, I will be deleting all of Isaac’s adoption info from this blog – as was always my intention.
NOW – Let us ALL PLEASE move on to doing EVERYTHING we can to HELP THE HAITIAN PEOPLE IN THEIR GREATEST TIME OF NEED.
So much GOOD is happening … and I would like to focus on that from here on …
We have some new & exciting contributions to our charity fundraiser for our favorite Haitian charities. I look forward to posting about them asap. Meanwhile, thank you for all your support, love and understanding.